The time is 10 o’clock. Since the last complaint floated out of the nursery, Rebecca Scrollferdaiz has been doomscrolling as the children went down at eight. Dave, her spouse, sits next her on the couch, frantically tapping his own screen. Rebecca knows she should be in bed before eleven, but the dinner dishes are still piled high in the sink. In a realistic way? At best, midnight. Most likely at 1:30 a.m.
A ache strikes as her Facebook timeline is filled with pictures of happy families and old friends. The community, the social group, the easy companionship, and the brunches she expected maturity to bring, never quite came to pass. Yes, she occasionally gets together with a friend from college or a HOA acquaintance. But mimosas on a Saturday morning? No brunch. No mimosas. And certainly no pals.
Rebecca becomes quite desperate as a result. After discovering a Facebook connect group, she posts that she’s looking for mom buddies! She briefly feels hopeful when dozens of ladies who share her views reply. When is the moment to follow up, though? There are still dishes to wash. Dave puts his phone away after winning his game, and they fold laundry together while watching TV in part. The loneliness still persists. Postponed only. She is reminded of the pain once more as she responds to someone else’s friend-seeking post.
It’s time to end the loop if this sounds familiar. I’ve put together a list of organizations and activities in this post that can help you start the process of creating the community you’ve been dreaming about.
Life on the D-List
Although it may be awkward to acknowledge, you are the friend on the D-list. You are aware of the kind. whose children are not invited to birthday celebrations unless the entire preschool class is present. The person who goes out for coffee three times a year with individuals you consider friends but who never appears to be invited to the Friday night patio gathering or the pickleball group chat. You’re not precisely an outcast. You’re not entirely in, though. This odd liminal place between inclusion and seclusion also feels more and more familiar to many millennial mothers.
Loneliness among millennials is nothing new. This epidemic is warned about by study after study. According to a 2021 report from Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, 43% of young adults experience loneliness most of the time. The statistics are considerably more alarming for mothers. According to a Motherly poll conducted in 2023, 79% of mothers say they feel lonely at least occasionally, while 30% say they feel lonely regularly or usually.
It’s easy to place the blame elsewhere. For job, we relocated across the nation. Our college pals dispersed to the winds. Although social media helps us feel connected, it also makes us feel more alone. However, there is another possibility that we rarely discuss aloud because it is too personal: occasionally we are to blame for our loneliness.
Importance of the C Word
Not totally, of course. Situations in life are important. However, connections need to be nurtured. You have to be amiable if you want friends. Furthermore, being friendly doesn’t mean waiting for an invitation in your living room. It’s starting. It is appearing. It’s remaining dedicated even when it’s uncomfortable or draining. And when your efforts don’t immediately result in the tight-knit village or breakfast crew you’ve always dreamed of, it’s time to try again.
The stakes feel particularly high for mothers. Instead than only talking about friendship, we must provide an example for our kids. Nevertheless, becoming a mother frequently makes us more afraid of being rejected. We’re worn out. We have too many plans. We do not wish to enforce. Therefore, we fall back on low-maintenance friendships that seem fulfilling on Instagram but are unfulfilling in real life.
The harsh reality is that friendships are built via repetition.
Subtle habits are what hold us back. When the baby doesn’t nap, you decide to cancel your coffee date. Despite joining the mom’s group, you ignore the text thread. You wait for someone else to suggest supper or organize the playdate at the park. You tell yourself that you’re simply busy, but you know deep down that there’s a price for your lack of initiative.
It does, too. The paradox is that, rather than requiring less vulnerability, developing friends as an adult calls for greater vulnerability. You must be prepared to take a small chance of shame. Even if you’re worried that nobody will show up, you still need to send the text, organize the walk, and arrange the game night. Reliability, not common interests or a flawless chemistry, is what gradually forges new friendships, therefore you must fight the impulse to break up when your energy levels drop.
This has nothing to do with becoming amiable in order to move up some unseen social scale. It involves repeatedly putting the connecting habits into practice until they become ingrained. The psychologist Marisa G. Franco makes the case that friendship isn’t something you find in her book Platonic. You have to build it. Additionally, building requires perseverance.At The North Georgia Hellenics 1442 Craft Cocktails & Cafe, NGHS healthcare worker Haley Floyd, Brittany Grella of Aerial Mountain Springs, and Allie Correa of Arrows Farm socialize. The Cute North Georgian Magazine took the picture.
Yes, your attempts will occasionally fail. Someone you invite for coffee will postpone twice before ignoring you completely. When you join a local group, you’ll find that the members aren’t your tribe. Withdrawing and telling yourself that you’re better off alone would be the simple solution. The harsh reality is that friendships are built via repetition.
Consider the individuals you regard as true friends. Before you arrived, how many invitations, discussions, and moments of intimacy did it take? dozens, most likely. Hundreds, perhaps. Nevertheless, we either anticipate immediate intimacy or give up when it comes to forming new friendships.
This is where we haven’t benefited much from millennial culture. We grew up with the belief in carefully cultivated best friendships, the kind of soulmate connection you see in social media feeds and sitcoms. However, genuine friendship is slower and messier. It’s more about helping someone move a couch or watching their child so they can take a peaceful shower than it is about mimosas.
It is important to note that loneliness is not a moral failing. It’s an emotional indication to get in touch and get back in touch. But if you find yourself on the outside looking at pictures of other people’s parties and wondering why you weren’t invited, it might be time to ask yourself: Am I making the effort I want other people to make with me? That crucial “C” word? dedication.
Local events and activities to help facilitate friendship
The North Georgia Hellenics are an adult women’s sorority that aims to promote cultural ties, community involvement, and deep friendships in the North Georgia area. Women from all areas of life who are seeking more than casual encounters are welcome in this club, which offers monthly get-togethers, a network of support, and shared experiences. Members utilize a dedicated GroupMe chat to remain in touch and plan activities, which makes it simple to interact and take part regardless of your schedule.Members enjoyed Diet Cokes and espresso martinis at 1442 Craft Cocktails & Cafe in downtown Clarkesville during their most recent meeting. They also played trivia and spoke late into the night. It’s a networking group that prioritizes friendship and real connections over dull speeches and expensive dues.
Would you like to join? For updates, send an email to [email protected] and follow The Cute North Georgian Magazine on Facebook and Instagram.
The Habersham Moms Facebook page, a vibrant online community where local mothers gather to exchange tips, offer advise, and organize in-person get-togethers, is another useful resource. Moms post about everything from planning spontaneous park playdates or coffee dates to recommending reliable pediatricians and school insights. It’s a place to connect with other mothers who are aware of the special difficulties and rewards of parenting in the Habersham region, ask questions, and get support.Would you like to join? Click HERE to follow this link.Princess Tea Party The girls hide away in Arrows Farms’ quaint indoor-outdoor area as the rain starts to fall, laughing and drinking tea. The Cute North Georgian Magazine took the picture.
Another resource is Mommy and Me of Northeast Georgia, a club that brings together mothers and children from all across Habersham County to socialize, play, and learn. Every event is specially created to effectively engage kids while providing mothers with time to socialize and form friendships. This club, which was founded by educators Allie Correa of Arrows Farms and Carly McCurry of The Cute North Georgian Magazine, provides families seeking to connect with meaningful, stimulating events. Children played in the field, unwinded on swings and hammocks, plucked flowers, painted pots with flower petals, and planted plants at their most recent event, which was held at Arrows Farms. As their kids played, mothers connected with one another on social media, chatted, and shared phone numbers.
Children will make cards and letters for deployed warriors as part of Operation Gratitude at their next event, which will be held at Mr. Biscuits Caf in Clarkesville. While mothers converse and sip coffee, children will engage in activities and crafts. The event’s tickets, which cost $10 for one child and $15 for families with siblings, help pay for the activities and materials. In addition to receiving a complimentary biscuit as part of the experience, mothers are always included in the ticket price.
Another noteworthy organization is Young Adults of North Georgia, which was established and is led by Briana Webb. Millennials and young adults in the area who want to create a sense of community, make new acquaintances, and engage in informal contacts are the target audience for this vibrant social media network. The group meets once in a while. The Facebook page is an excellent place to start for anyone looking for a sense of community because it is constantly updated with posts, ideas for get-togethers, and methods to connect between events. This group can be found HERE.
Build your village
Begin modestly. Despite your fatigue, accept the invitation. Rather than waiting for someone else to recommend coffee, plan it yourself. Even if they didn’t reply the first time, send the follow-up SMS. Before one sticks, you may need to try with five different folks. Still, give it a shot.
Because it’s likely that the woman you’re seeing on Instagram, having a fantastic time with her village while sipping wine, has also experienced feelings of loneliness. Perhaps she made an effort. Perhaps she continued to appear. She may be there today for that reason.
Therefore, don’t wait for a fairy godmother to bring you the brunch gang of your dreams if you’re folding laundry at eleven p.m. and wondering why you’re not in the group chat. Send the first message yourself. Don’t be the one to flake. Be the one who never gives up.
The village will not develop on its own.
